Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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