So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
