it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
