areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
FUCK WHALES
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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