shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
