That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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