we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
