I just cut my nipple shaving
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
