We're facebook friends in real life
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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