Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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