so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
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and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
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I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward