I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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