Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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