I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
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you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
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He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.