Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.