I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.