I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.