after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.