Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.