Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
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I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
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I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?