Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?