six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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