finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just made my gag reflex go away.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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