Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
