Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
