it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
