you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
