You really coming over, don't trick.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
