you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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