I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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