whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
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just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
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I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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