She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
