it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
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Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
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Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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