The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
