I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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