I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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