you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
