my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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