i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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