We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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