So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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