Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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