A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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