Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
