I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
