I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I wish I only lived at night.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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