Don't make out with my wife yet
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
