Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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