break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
