I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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