I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
