well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
