I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
