everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There r osticjed everywhere
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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