Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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