So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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