you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
