They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
