i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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