I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
