last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
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This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
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I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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