eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
