Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
