My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
