I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
