It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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