you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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