Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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