He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
