Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
